Hi friend! Let me start off this week’s blog post in a slightly different way.
My heart feels heavy with all that's going on in the world right now: the fact that a #BlackLivesMatter movement is still necessary in this day and ago, recent terrorist attacks, and the world's refugee crisis. The world is broken, the world is hurting, the world is grieving. And so am I.
I wish I had the words to respond to the tragedy all around us. I come up short every time I try to articulate the despair and fear. I don't have the right words, but I am emotionally drained and scared.
I’ve thought long and hard about if I wanted to share my feelings and sentiments about these global crises with you in this blog post, second-guessing myself all the way. Over the last year I’ve consciously limited my exposure to news, both on TV, online and in print. I don’t believe being ‘informed’ makes me a better person. But these recent events have made me realize that I can't escape reality. I don’t exist in a vacuum.
The Gratefulist doesn’t exist in a vacuum either. We - as a community of soul-connected creatives - can’t ignore what’s going on in the world. Being soul-connected means we’re not only connected to our own souls, but also to the souls of others. We live in an interconnected world. We’re all connected to one another. This community is made up of fierce creatives from at least four continents and I don’t know how many countries and we’re all affected by what’s going on in the world.
Here’s what I want you to take away from this blog post:
Know that it’s okay to feel your feelings and share them with those close to you and with this Soul-Connected Squad. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
Inform yourself in a better way and on a deeper level about these world crises and take action. Write to your representatives demanding change and a more proactive approach to dealing with these issues.
Practice gratitude: “Today I'm choosing to fill my heart with love and gratitude. I'm grateful for the beautiful colors in nature - the clear blue sky, the many shades of green trees and plants, and sunset's golden rays - in the hope that one day we can look beyond race and religion and appreciate all colors and differences." Will you join me?
So, how does this tie in with the #perfectionistproblems series?
The reason I struggled so much with deciding if I wanted to share my feelings about geo-political issues and world crises, was because of my perfectionism. I struggle with second-guessing myself, because of my perfectionism.
I wish I was the woman that Christy O’Shoney so hilariously described in her blog “What in the actual hell am I doing?” this week:
‘Daily, I'm stopped on the street by people who all have the exact same thing to tell me: "Good god, woman!" they exclaim. "You look like someone who KNOWS where she is going. Not just, like, directionally-speaking, by the way. What I mean to say is --" they pause briefly, struggling to find the words. "What I mean to say is that you seem to have this general sureness about yourself and your future. The heavens smile down on you for your fearless determination towards your singular, unwavering goal. Good for you, girl. GOOD. FOR. YOU." '
Yes? No? Just me?
Being a perfectionist means I’m NOT that woman. I’m a second-guesser, and I’m also bothered by its obnoxious second cousins ‘overthinking’ and ‘indecisiveness’. #nobueno
If you’re like “Hey, that’s me!”, here’s two plans of attack to help you stop second-guessing yourself.
DEALING WITH COMPARISONITIS
If you find yourself having a bad case of the second-guessing’s, wondering “Am I missing something?“ or “Should I do it more like this?”, realize that your second-guessing is almost certainly the result of comparison.
When you second-guess yourself and you question something you know is the right decision, it’s because you’re comparing yourself to other people and you’re attaching more value to their ideas, their work, and their expertise.
The key here is to not let yourself get distracted by someone else’s shiny pennies. They aren’t perfect and don’t have things figured out as well as you think they do. Don’t underestimate yourself. Your ideas and your work have value, even if they aren’t perfect. It’s scary and vulnerable to follow your ideas and trust in your own path, but it’s always worth it.
Related post: How not to get sucked into creative comparison
FACING FAILURE AND HURT
As a perfectionist you feel like you’ve failed if you don’t produce perfect results. Screwing up and facing the hurt can lead to bouts of second-guessing your judgement and even your worthiness.
But the thing about perfectionism is… it’s doesn’t exist. Perfection isn’t real. #shocker And that’s a scary reality to face for perfectionists. You use perfectionism as a safety net against life’s insecurities, uncertainties, and anxieties, but then you realize that perfectionism doesn’t bring any security at all.
What you can do is either cut yourself out of the safety net that is perfectionism (you can use the free workbook below!) or to stop viewing a less than perfect result as a failure. When things don’t go according to plan, stop making it mean that you’re a failure.
THIS WEEK I CHALLENGE YOU TO DEAL WITH COMPARISON AND FACE FAILURE AND HURT HEAD ON, SO THAT YOU CAN STOP SECOND-GUESSING YOURSELF.