Do you struggle with the concept of ‘enough’?
As perfectionists, it is a difficult concept for us. We deal with feeling like what we do is never perfect. No matter how much of ourselves we put into our work, it’s never enough.
And since perfection is a myth, a fictional goal we’ll never reach, it means WE are never enough.
We feel like we have to fight, with everything we have sometimes, to just be ourselves. To really feel valuable and ‘enough’ just as we are.
In a world where we constantly feel…
not pretty enough
not thin enough
not witty enough
not extroverted enough
not successful enough
not articulate enough
not enough degrees
not enough money
NOT PERFECT ENOUGH
... so we wear these masks. Molding and contorting who we are. Trying to please everyone.
And we end up looking around thinking, ‘Is this really all there is?’
Listen to me, love.
You are good enough just the way you are. What you have to offer is enough. You are enough.
This first edition of #perfectionistproblems the show was MADE for you. Let’s get to it.
free download: step-by-step workbook for overcoming perfectionism
Transcript: Do you feel like you do, have, and are enough?
Hey you, welcome to this workshop! It’s the first edition of #perfectionistproblems the show and I’m so excited you’re here celebrating with me.
It’s so awesome to me that you want to spend your time with me this week and hopefully in the upcoming weeks too.
So before we dive into this week’s workshop, I want to take some time to tell you a little bit more about The Gratefulist and my plans for these workshops.
My name is Wendy and I run a website called The Gratefulist where I help stressed-out perfectionist turn into recovering perfectionists. I’ve made it my mission to encourage women to overcome their perfectionism and embrace their perfectly imperfect selves, so that they can finally go all in on their dreams.
I started years ago with a $10 gratitude journal, writing down 3 things I’m grateful for everyday. That journal later turned into a perfectionism journal, when I was tired of my perfectionism holding me back and had finally mustered up the courage to try and figure out how to slay the perfectionism dragon. It’s crazy to me how a simple, $10 notebook turned into this passion project where I’m giving these workshops to help you (and others like you) let go of your perfectionism.
I’m also an avid beach lover, as you can see. Beaches and bright colors are my jam. I’m a gratitude geek, obsessed with the tv show Scandal, and driving around in my bright red convertible is my guilty pleasure.
Let me know in the comments, what is YOUR guilty pleasure?
#perfectionistproblems the show: my intention for this weekly live workshop series
Okay, so what’s up with these workshops? Let me tell you a little bit more about my plans for #perfectionistproblems the show.
So many of you have let me know in our most recent reader survey that you want to see more of my face. Ha!
First of all, I’m flattered.
But second, deep down I know you’re right. Video and live streaming provides so much opportunity to connect with you and, to be honest, I’ve been staying in my comfort zone of writing blog posts for far too long.
That’s when I came up with the idea of starting #perfectionistproblems the show: a weekly, 30-minute live workshop series.
Every Tuesday, I’ll go live and teach a workshop on one specific topic. For those tuning in live, there’s an opportunity to chat in the comments and ask me any question you want answered.
Every workshop will be 30 minutes or less, but still action-packed with tips and strategies and also encouragement for overcoming perfectionism, with a little personal growth sprinkled in between.
Right now, I have planned out the first few months of workshops and they’re going to be solo episodes. But I’m considering inviting guests on the show in the future. Let me know in the comments if that’s something you’d like to see.
The concept of enough
"What's the greatest lesson a woman should learn? That since day one, she's already had everything she needs within herself. It's the world that convinced her she did not." - Rupi Kaur
To kick off #perfectionistproblems the show, I wanted to start with a big ol’ encouragement sesh.
We’re going to talk about the concept of ‘enough’. Why?
Because you are good enough just the way you are. You’re an amazing human being with so much talent and so much to offer to the world. What you have to offer is enough. You are enough. And to me, that’s worth a celebration.
Imagine me throwing around big piles of confetti.
Do you feel like you don’t do enough?
Let’s start with the question of ‘Do you feel like you don’t do enough?’
A lot of us feel like we don’t do enough. If only we’d do more of this or we’d do that better, we’d be happier. We feel this way even though we work full-time, support a family, run a household, have a social life, pursue our hobbies, do volunteer work, raise children and/or maintain relationships.
Our schedules are jam-packed with activities and appointments, day in and day out. And still we feel like we don’t do enough.
I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to feel this way.
The question to ask yourself isn’t: “Do I do enough and what can I do to do more?”,
Instead ask yourself this question: “Do I do the right things and what can I do to do those things better?”
Being busy is simply another word for procrastinating. Stuffing your daily calendar with chores and activities and doing all kinds of stuff for other people and not making time for yourself will only leave you stressed-out and overwhelmed.
Doing, doing, and more doing makes you feel like you’re being productive or working towards your goals, but in reality you’re probably far from being productive.
When I ask you “Do you do the right things?” you know what those right things are.
You know which goals you want to work towards. Deep down, you know what you’re supposed to be doing.
The world is waiting for you to do the right things. To find your purpose or calling, just listen to what your intuition is telling you. Pursue your purpose. That’s terrifying, I know… I get it, fo’real!
But doing the right things will give you a great amount of focus. All the stuff you used to be doing, suddenly doesn’t feel so important anymore. You’ll find it becomes easier to say no to things that don’t fit your purpose or don’t contribute to your goals.
Doing the right things is incredibly fulfilling. When you’re on the right path (and trust me, you’ll know when you’re on the right path) you’ll feel a sense of joy and contentment.
This doesn’t mean doing the things that feel right for you will be easy. You’ll doubt yourself, you’ll falter, you’ll fail a few times. But you’ll also persevere and succeed. You have everything you need to do so.
When you think things are too difficult, when the struggle is real, when you feel like giving up, when you feel like things are so tough and you' re never going to reach your goals, that's when you're actually closest to reaching your goal. When you feel this way you’re almost there. Don't compromise because it gets hard. Do the right things until you feel like they aren’t the right things anymore.
You can do this. I believe in you.
Do you feel like you don’t have enough?
On to the next question: “Do you feel like you don’t have enough?”
From time to time, most of us struggle with the feeling of not having enough. We think that if only we’d have more, we’d be happier, more successful, and less stressed.
The idea of not having enough is a scarcity issue. Scarcity is rampant in a culture where people are focused on or being made aware of what’s lacking.
It feels as if there’s not enough of things like safety, love, and money. As a result, we spend our time trying to figure out how much we have and don’t have and how much other people have and don’t have.
The sad part is that we can’t win this constant comparison game. Don’t compare your struggles with someone else’s outcomes. Perfection is an unattainable goal.
Our response to scarcity is to try to create abundance.
If only I’d work hard, work a lot of overtime, and keep on working even if I’m sick, I won’t lose my job.
If only I’d be the perfect homemaker, I won’t lose my husband and family.
If only my kids would get tutoring, participate in sports, and go to their music lessons, they won’t lose their chance on future success.
The problem with this kind of thinking is that - as Brené Brown has taught us - the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. The opposite of not enough is enough.
Think about this for a minute…
What if you could counteract the fear and stress and general uneasiness by simply acknowledging you have enough? Can you switch your mindset from scarcity to enough?
YOU HAVE ALL YOU NEED.
The things you have, the people you know, they are enough. But most of all, YOU have enough. You have so many talents. Your strengths outweigh your weaknesses.
You might not know you have all it takes. But you do. You’re strong enough to weather any storm. Afterwards you might think that you’ve changed. But you didn’t change. You discovered parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed before.
You had it in you all along, you just didn’t know you had it. You became more of yourself.
That’s my wish for you: that you become more of yourself, your amazingly talented self.
Do you feel like who you are isn't enough?
Now, the final question is what to do when you feel like who you ARE isn't enough.
“AM I ENOUGH?”
I’ve been discussing this is in my mind for a while. Rationally I know that I am enough. I know that I’m smart, talented, and capable and for that I’m grateful.
Even spiritually I know that every person - including me - is good enough the way they are. I know all of this, but believing it is another story.
There are still a lot of times where I think I’m not going to be good enough at something, so I don't even try. Sometimes I feel like I'm not brave enough, not kind enough, not pretty enough, not talkative enough.
When it comes to my blog and business I feel like I don't have enough time, my writing is not good enough, and my opinion doesn't matter enough. It's this cycle of self-doubt.
And I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way sometimes.
We live in a world where we are constantly asked to compare ourselves to others. All too often we are asked to be someone other than who we are. It’s no wonder we then lose ourselves.
Constantly comparing ourselves to other people and the pressure we put on ourselves are the main reasons why we believe we’re not good enough.
We tend to compare our behind-the-scenes to the perfectly-filtered and reality-altered feed of someone else’s life.
It's okay to feel not good enough. At least, on occasion. We are all human. We all have insecurities.
‘What can I do about that?’, you say?
First of all, stop listening to your inner critic. Even though this inner critic seems authoritative and it sounds like it knows what it’s talking about, see it for what it really is: the scared voice of your inner child. With hard work you can learn to listen to your intuition and change your perspective and mindset. You can do this.
Second, stop comparing yourself to other people and start looking up to the right people. Let yourself be inspired and empowered by these role models. Cheer them on. Over time, you’ll start to see that you have what it takes to be just as fabulous as they are.
And if you still want to compare?
Compare you to you and no one else. Compare Today You to Yesterday You. Ask yourself this: How am I today compared to yesterday? Am I improving and getting closer to where I want to be?
Okay, here’s what I want you to take away today.
I’m just gonna say this, to inspire and empower, just as much for myself as for you. Know that you are enough. You are important. You are worthy. Exactly as you are. Who you are is enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
My challenge for you this week is to practice gratitude every day and to focus on worthiness and on all the ways you DO, HAVE, and ARE enough.
So, for instance, if your gratitude practice is to write a daily gratitude list of 3 things you’re grateful for, then use this week to find something, some evidence every day in which you did enough, you had enough, and you were enough.
If nothing, this will definitely shake up your gratitude habit. I’d love for you to join our #perfectionistproblems Facebook group if you’re not a member already and share your gratitudes with us. If nothing, we keep you accountable haha.
That’s all I got this week. Alright, that’s it. I loved, loved, loved spending time with you.
And I’ll be back next week with a new episode of #perfectionistproblems the show. I’ll be sharing my journey from Perfectionist to Gratefulist and the lessons learned along the way.
Hope to see you next week!
Are you stuck in perfectionism and need little help letting go of the perfectionist tendencies that are holding you back? Then make sure to download your FREE copy of my perfectionism-busting workbook. Just click that pretty yellow button ;)
Hi there! I’m Wendy, perfectionism coach and host of the #perfectionistproblems community for recovering perfectionists. I’m insanely passionate about helping you overcome your perfectionism, so that you can stop caring so much about what other people think and finally take on those dream projects that you've been putting off for so long.